AS-SIRAAT AL-MUSTAQEEM

Contents

Family Life in the Qurâ€™anic Context

<ol> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#1">Women and Family</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#2">Spiritual Equality</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#3">Finding a suitable Marriage Partner </a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#4">Marriage must be Legal </a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#5">Polygamy for Men – Giving Equal Time</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#6">Mahr Bridal Gife (Dowar)</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#7">Provision for the Family</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#8">Family Leadership</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#9">Protection of the Family </a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#10">Intimacy: Between Husband and Wife</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#11">Modesty</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#12">Children</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#13">The Treatment of Parents: The Best Act of Piety</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#14">Supporting Parents in their Old Age</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#15">Providing Sincere Advice</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#16">Raising Children</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#17">The Ways of Righteous Actions</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#18">Teaching the Child Humility </a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#19">Teaching the Child Modesty</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#20">Parental Responsibilities to their Children </a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#21">Providing a Good Name</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#22">Providing Maintenance and Sustenance </a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#23">Providing Children with an Education</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#24">Inheritance</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#25">Children’s Inheritance</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#26">Parents Inheritance</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#27">Spouse’s Inheritance</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#28">Siblings Inheritance</a></li> <li><a href="content_detail.php?id=8#29">Divorce in the Qur’an</a></li> </ol> <a id="1" name="1"></a>Women and Family There exists a wide spread perception that faith oppresses and even persecutes women; on the other hand, there are arguments about cultural authenticity about the rights of women to assert themselves in ways that differ from the modes of female self-assertion current in non-Muslim societies. This is a particularly complicated issue by the interaction of history, religion, culture and politics. In Islamic Law, the family takes precedence over other institutions: the law of inheritance, favouring males over females, are written in the Qur’an along with other discriminatory provisions, such as the Testamentary inferiority of females in certain court proceedings. It is argued by some, that the Prophet of Islam greatly improved the provision of the Arabian women of his time, guaranteeing them basic rights in marriage that were denied to the women at the time of ignorance – the Jahiliya Makkan Surahs of the Qur’an refer with abhorrence to the custom of female infanticide and neglect of widows and orphans. After Islam women were given guaranteed rights of inheritance under the protective umbrella of the family. A woman’s husband was obligated to provide for her and her children. Although polygamy (one man and the plurality of wives) was permitted and the man was limited to four wives, each of whom had to be treated equally. No spiritual inequality is implied. The Qur’an explicitly addresses itself to females as well as males and morally women will be as answerable for their actions on the Day of Judgment as men. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="2" name="2"></a>Spiritual Equality Men and women who have surrendered Believing men and believing women; Obedient men and obedient women; Truthful men and truthful women; Humble men and humble women; Men and women who give in charity; Men who fast and women who fast; Men and women who guard their private parts; Men and women who remember God; For them God has prepared forgiveness and a mighty wage. [33:35] Male Authority Your women are a tillage for you; Onto your tillage as you wish, and forward For your souls; and fear God and know that you shall meet Him...’ [2:224] The Qur’an describes the relationship between a man and a woman in marriage as a sign of Divine tranquillity love and mercy. The relationship between members of a family represent the highest acts of kindness in the Qur’an. The Qur’an places responsibility to build a family around God-consciousness, out of which emerges mutual rights and responsibilities. It is this family unit, God’s creation continues to grow and spread on earth, or not. If the institution of family is corrupt, then corruption spreads throughout the world; if the family institution is pure, it in turn produces a highly and ethical society based on Divine values. Through marriage, the human population spreads throughout the earth, along with values that either give rise or fall to human dignity, depending on the ethical and moral practices of the family. The Prophet, Muhammad (peace be upon him) said that ‘ties of blood relation (Rahem) are derived from the Most-Merciful (Al-Rahman)’, and God says to it “whoever keeps you I shall join Him and whoever severs you, I shall sever connection with him”. Whoever acts to preserve and strengthen the family receives God’s mercy, but whoever cuts family ties and weakens the group loses God’s mercy in his or her life. This and other strongly worded teachings stress the importance of the family institution. Most Islamic scholars also point out that the family relationship is so naturally close that if patience, mercy, forgiveness and other qualities of healthy co-existence cannot be practices within the family then society has little hope of achieving those qualities. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="3" name="3"></a>Finding a Suitable Marriage Partner To find a suitable partner for marriage is probably one of the most important aspects of Muslim life. Islam forbids dating or at least “dating as understood in most Western cultures”. Usually, Muslim marriages become a family project in which parents, uncles, aunts, other close family friends take a part in finding a suitable marriage partner. It is customary for a Muslim man or a woman who have known each other personally decide to pursue marriage. The man usually asks his parents to approach the woman’s family for her hand in marriage. Islam forbids forced marriages, as stated in the Qur’an (4:19). Both the man and the woman must agree and consent to the marriage in order for it to be considered legitimate by Islamic courts and under the Shari’ah Law. A few Muslim cultures practice forced marriage, particularly poor societies, but such marriages violate Islamic teachings, rather than fulfil them and to be void under the Islamic Shari’ah Law. The Qur’an gives constructive advice to both a Muslim man and a woman to marry those who are virtuous believers of Allah (swt) (God), even if the virtuousness may not be as physically attractive or economically rich as those who disbelieves in God and do not practice good morals. The Qur’an states that it is better to marry a virtuous slave rather than an amoral free man or woman (2:221). In pre-Islamic times, it was inconceivable that a free rich man or woman would marry a slave, and the Qur’an seeks to remove this baseless stigma. This chapter and verse in the Qur’an is a Revolutionary Concept in many societies, as today most people still base marriages on social economic class and looks, rather than virtue and good morals. The Prophet (PBUH) taught his companions that although some men marry some women for their status, money, and beauty, the only man who will be happy and successful is the one who marries a woman for her virtue and piety (Taqwa). Once the Prophet (PBUH) advised his closest companion, Abu Bakr, that the most treasured things in life are “the tongue in remembrance of Allah (swt) (God), the heart filled with thanks to Allah (swt) (God), and a pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds.” The advice given in choosing a partner applies to both in search for a husband as well as a wife. This means that the Qur’an addresses both men and women. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has advised women that if they are satisfied with their prospective husband’s piety and character, they should marry him. The Prophet (PBUH) further added that “if you do not do so, there will be trials on earth and a great deal of evil”. Most scholars have interpreted this that if the husband is corrupt, then the family is easily corruptible, which can, in turn, lead to corruption in society. Islam does not forbid people to marry others based on beauty, wealth, status and other such considerations and both the Qur’an and the Prophet’s teachings highly recommend marriage first and foremost based on good virtue and character (Taqwa). <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="4" name="4"></a>Marriage Must be Legal The Qur’an allows for the marriage of any man or woman regardless of race, cultural background or status. However, the Qur’an does impose some restrictions on marriage partners and these include the following: Divorced wives of your father (4:22) – Prohibits a common practice found in the Islamic Times All immediate relatives (4:23) – this prohibits marriage to parents, children, siblings, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephew, milk-mothers (those who fed you milk as a child and wet nurse) and their children, daughters and son-in-laws, and brothers and sisters-in-laws. Women who are already married (4:24) – women who are already married cannot marry other men. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="5" name="5"></a>Polygamy for Men – Giving Equal Time Most people would say that the Qur’an encourages polygamy for men. The reality is that the Qur’an seeks to limit polygamy, which was uncontrolled and widely practised in pre-Islamic times and other parts of the world. So it is incorrect to say that the Qur’an advocates polygamy is both actually and historically incorrect. The Qur’an allows a man, in principle, to marry up to four women at one time as long as he can deal with all his wives justly. The man must provide economical, physical and emotional care equally to all his wives if he chooses to have more than one. If a man cannot do justice to all his wives, he cannot marry more than one (4:3). In traditional Islamic Law, scholars have said that a man cannot marry even one woman if he or his family cannot support her with proper care (24:33). The Qur’an also warns that men will “never be able to do justice between wives no matter how sincerely they try” (4:129). Some scholars have interpreted this chapter and verse as allowing men to have more feelings for one wife over another, because it is impossible to control that aspect of human nature. However, other scholars have understood this verse to mean that polygamy is highly discouraged, because it is nearly impossible to deal justly with more than one wife. These scholars also argue that polygamy should only be practised in times of necessity, such as during times of war, when typically the ratio of women to men dramatically increases. In such situations, these scholars argue, polygamy can be used so that women are not forced to remain single if they want to marry. Muslims often point out that polygamy, in which marriage is sanctified by love and certain rights and responsibilities, is much better from a moral standpoint than adultery. It is far better to be married instead of becoming involved in a secret love affair. It has already been clarified that forced marriages are completely forbidden by the Qur’an. This leads on to some implications on the issue of polygamy. It is not necessary for the first wife to consent in order for a polygamous arrangement to be considered acceptable in an Islamic Court. However, the first wife can stipulate in her marriage contract that she will not accept her husband taking another wife, and by Islamic Law, the man then has to honour that contract. This in a sense then protects those women who feel insecure by the fact that if they were to get married then how could they be reassured that their husbands would not take on other wives without their consent. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="6" name="6"></a>Mahr Bridal Gift (Dowar) The Mahr is sometimes wrongly described as “buying a woman from her family”. This is a major misconception and has no basis in the Islamic tradition. It has to be pointed out that the woman is not a possession or a commodity that can be purchased. It is also important to understand that the money that goes towards the Mahr goes to the bride and not to the bride’s family. The Mahr is to protect the money and serves to provide some sort of financial independence to the woman so that she may use this to support herself. The Mahr can be given all at once up front, or in instalments over time, depending on mutual agreement of those involved. The wife may remit some part of her Mahr from the goodness of her heart if she so wishes even after the contract has been agreed upon (4:4 and 4:24). However, Islamic Law forbids forcing a woman to give up any part of her Dowar. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) even allowed a man to teach his wife chapters of the Qur’an that he had memorised to fulfil his Dowar requirement. The form of the Dowar really depends on what the couple want to do. The Qur’an emphasizes the importance of marriage as a divine institution through which the greatest acts of tranquillity, love and mercy are displayed in society. According to the Qur’an, the deep and intimate relationship between a man and a woman in marriage qualifies as a sign of God’s existence and creation (30:21). It is also argued that putting love and mercy into a relationship results in tranquillity for both husband and wife. That sense of peace and calm then spreads to the family, which in turn, disperses into the society. The Qur’an also states, “they (women) are a garment for you (men), and you (men) are a garment for them (women)....” (2:187). This chapter and verse describes the marriage relationship as one built on mutual co-operation and trust that brings comfort, completeness, and beauty to the soul just as a good garment does for the body. The Qur’an goes on to state that the husband and wife should live together on “a footing of kindness and equality” (4:19). The Qur’an further goes on to describe the relationship between men and women (in general as well as in marriage) as “friends and protectors of one another”, (9:71) in righteous actions that establish good in society. So, the Qur’an really sees the overall spirit between couples as one of co-operation and not competition. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="7" name="7"></a>Provision for the Family The Qur’an teaches that a man must bear the responsibility of taking care of all the financial needs of his wife and family (4:34). He must provide for their food, clothing, housing and all other necessities (65:6-7). This means that the Qur’an places this responsibility on the men because traditionally, men had more access to work. Also women are physically limited due to childbirth, placing the responsibility of providing for the family on the woman was thought to be unfair. Therefore placing this responsibility on the woman was thought to be unfair. This does not mean that the women are not allowed to work outside the home. I have already addressed this issue. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="8" name="8"></a>Family Leadership The Prophet (PBUH) said that “a man is a guardian and responsible for his family”. The Qur’an also emphasizes the responsibility of leadership on the man in providing for the family (4:34) and being responsible towards a morally good life. Many men misunderstand this concept of leadership. Leadership, in fact entails a very heavy responsibility in the Qur’an and the Prophetic teachings. Leadership requires a great deal of justice, patience and kind treatment. Leadership is abused when it takes the form of oppression and tyranny; leadership is fulfilled when it takes the form of justice and mercy. Most people have taken this leadership responsibility giving the husband unilateral authority to make and enforce decisions on behalf of the family. Men, and all leaders for that matter must practice mutual consultation that encourages consent, according to the Qur’anic teachings (2:233, 42:38). If there is some disagreement on any issue arising, the man does not have the right to make a decision based on his own desires. Rather, he must resolve the dispute based on Qur’anic and prophetic teachings, and the resultant decision must benefit family and society rather than to serve his own personal interest. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="9" name="9"></a>Protection of the Family The responsibility to look after the house is placed on the mother and to actively raise the children into righteous, pious, ethical, and moral men and women. The Qur’an honours the mother as the teacher of society, without whom the moral stability of civilisation would crumble (46:15-18). According to some scholars looking after the house means protecting the family’s property with honour. It does not mean that the wife is obligated to do housework such as cooking and cleaning. It means that there must be mutual support by the husband, wife and children. Even the Prophet used to help his wife in the home and washed and mended his own clothes. If a wife takes on these housework responsibilities then she does an act of charity for which she will be greatly rewarded, but such work is not considered as part of her obligatory responsibility. However, some scholars believe that housework does constitute a part of a woman’s responsibility to her; these scholars also believe that, in the example of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), the husband should help with the household chores. The Qur’an goes on to state that the husband has been placed in a leadership position within the family unit. The wife and the children have the responsibility to “obey” him (4:34), rather than to rebel against his decision simply for the sake of rebellion. A husband’s leadership must fall within the guidelines of permissible actions in Islamic Law, must remain within his rights, and must not transgress the laws of Allah (swt) (God). There are times when a wife may rebel against her husband and an example of this is given in the Qur’an regarding Pharaoh’s wife who is praised in the Qur’an for opposing her husband’s tyranny and oppression, did just that. Sometimes justice necessitates rebellion in order to preserve the family unit. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="10" name="10"></a>Intimacy: between Husband and Wife The Qur’an views the sexual act within marriage as a healthy and sacred act that merits Divine rewards and blessings. In fact, Allah (swt) (God) has set rewards for prayer, fasting, pilgrimage and other set of deeds but marriage is the only institution where the husband and wife can be in a relationship by doing good deeds for each other by simply loving each other and performing (Ibadah worship) of God and receiving God’s blessings. This means that by being married a person could in essence be performing 24-7 (Ibadah worship). The Qur’an encourages couples to perform some good actions that bring purity to the souls, such as remembering God by mentioning His name, before engaging in sexual intimacy (2:223). The Qur’an regards the sexual experience between a couple as both a spiritual act and a physical one. The Qur’an places emphasis both on husband and wife to bear the responsibility to make themselves sexually available and attractive to each other. Often times, sexual intimacy is seen only as a right of a husband over his wife, and there is no doubt that that right is stressed more in the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad, (PBUH) but the husband must also fulfil the physical and spiritual needs of the wife. In fact, scholars say that a man must not abandon his wife sexually for more than 4 days at a time. All scholars agree that a husband abandoning his wife without cause is completely impermissible. It is equally important for a man to take his wife’s mood and health into account before engaging in sexual activity. In order to regulate that the man’s sexual nature that may neglect the condition of his wife, the Qur’an forbids the man to have sexual intercourse with his wife during her menstrual cycle (period) (2:222), and Islamic Law has made other similar regulations in order to safeguard the woman’s health and wellbeing. It has also been encouraged by the Prophet that sexual intimacy should consist of human compassion and love, rather than inhumane treatment. Also the Qur’an forbids any sexual intimacy that resembles animal behaviour, rather than dignified human intimacy. This means that the Qur’an allows all positions of vaginal intercourse (2:223). <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="11" name="11"></a>Modesty In the Qur’anic context; sexuality is considered sacred and not shameful but within the institution of legal marriage. Islamic Law encourages to guard modesty outside of the sacred relationship of marriage. This means that both men and women are encouraged to guard modesty and it is one of the most repeated ethical teachings of the Qur’an. The Prophet (PBUH) even said that defining the characteristic of Islam is modesty. The Qur’an states about public modesty in the definitive chapter (24:30-31). Chapter 24 begins by urging Muslim men “to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity”, so that they may attain a pure state of God-consciousness (24:30). Men should cover their body from the navel to the knees. However, if the man can afford to purchase enough clothes and is also encouraged to cover his chest and abdomen area. Men are also encouraged to wear loose clothes so as not to define the shapes of the body. Shirts that display muscles are really not the sort of clothing in accordance with the Islamic tradition of modesty which most men do wear these days. The Qur’an goes on to state in (24:31) to tell Muslim women that they should also “lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity”, this describes the woman’s modesty in more detail: “not to display their charms beyond what may be apparent thereof, hence, let them draw their veils over their bosoms”. The classical interpretations of this chapter and verse mean that women should cover their entire bodies, except their faces, hands and feet in public – most Muslim women around the world follow this practice. However, a strict interpretation takes this message to mean that the woman’s entire body including face, head, hands, feet should also be covered. The interpretation of women’s covering means that women are obligated to cover their chests and dress modestly. This was a practice, which was not pursued in pre-Islamic times. Women who follow this interpretation believe that covering the body and the veil meaning covering the hair as well as the chest area. Although some have taken it to mean that it does not include the hair and face, this means that the hijab is extended to the chest. It is far more important for women’s clothing not to define the shape of the woman’s body especially her chest area. In certain cultures, such as Saudi Arabia women dress in all black. Yet in other cultures such as in West Africa women actually dress in very bright colours, and this is more of a cultural preference than a religious one. A woman does not have to dress with this level of modesty within the privacy of her home in front of other women, her immediate male relatives, male servants who are beyond an age of sexual desire and unrelated children who are innocent of sexual conceptualisations (24:31). This means that the Qur’an clearly defines the dress code, which seeks to protect both men and women from looking at each other through the lenses of sexuality, and encourages a relationship of mutual dignity and respect. The Qur’an encourages men and women to lower their eyes when they meet each other, rather than stare each other in the face (24:30-31). If you meet a Muslim of the opposite sex and he or she does not look at you in the eye, do not misunderstand that as a sign of disrespect. Rather, it is an expression of respect for the opposite gender in Islamic culture. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="12" name="12"></a>Children The Qur’an encourages parents to bring up righteous children as children will qualify as one of the greatest acts of charity if they are correctly raised in accordance with the Qur’an and the teachings of the Prophet. The Prophet said that there is a guarantee in paradise for anyone who raised three righteous daughters, as they become the first teachers of God – consciousness and set high moral standards for their children. These children then, spread these qualities of righteousness all across the earth wherever they go. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="13" name="13"></a>The Treatment of Parents: the best Act of Piety The Qur’an places heavy emphasis on Muslims to treat their parents in the most beautiful manner (Al’Ihsan) with the highest acts of kindness, mercy and love (Al-Birr). The Qur’an even forbids a child to show a sign of disrespect to his or her parents by sighing in frustration, and instead calls on children to speak to their parents with kindness, reverence and humility (17:23-24). The Prophet (PBUH) said that parents are the only other characters in the Qur’an are mentioned side by side with God in the same verse to indicate the respect and thanks that is owed to them (31:14). The Qur’an especially asks for respect and kindness towards the mother, who goes through much pain and hardship to give birth and provide complete sustenance after birth (46:15). The Prophet (PBUH) mentioned that the Garden of Paradise lies beneath the feet of a mother. This emphasises the position of the mother as being the most prestigious position in an Islamic state. The Qur’an faces the following responsibilities on children towards their parents. Showing obedience to parents (31:14-15). Children must honour and obey their parents when they ask you to do something, unless they ask you to do something that violates the Laws of God. However, the parents do have the responsibility to give respect to the wishes of their children, and must not act disobediently or raise their voices. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="14" name="14"></a>Supporting Parents in their old Age (17:33) Just as your parents support and maintain you when you are young, you also have the responsibility to support and maintain them when they reach old age. You must provide for their food, home and clothing if they cannot do so for themselves. Muslim families often enjoy joint family situations where parents and children live together in one house even after the children marry. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="15" name="15"></a>Providing sincere Advice It is your responsibility to advise and remind them if they make an error in the part of wrong-doing. For example, in the Qur’an, the Prophet Abraham calls on his father with the highest words of love and respect, “Oh my father!” Abraham advised his father to turn away from the Pagan practices of his people and to worship One, God along without associating any partners (19:42-44). Even when Abraham’s father rejects him, and threatens to stone him to death because of his preaching. Abraham responds to his father with the utmost kindness by saying, “peace be upon you” and Abraham continues to pray for his father’s guidance and forgiveness (19:47-48). <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="16" name="16"></a>Raising Children The Qur’an in (31:13-19), is named after Luqman, is known for his great wisdom in the Qur’an, contains the most detailed chapter regarding the upbringing of children. Luqman offers the following advice to his beloved son, which serves as five step guidelines for Muslim parents even today: you must not associate partners with God (Tawheed - oneness of God) (31:13) – this teaches children the oneness of God without associating any partners with Him whatsoever known as Tawheed. From this teaching emanates all other religious guidance on virtue, ethics and morality. God is all aware of your actions (Taqwa) (31:16) – the second aspect of wisdom parents should teach their children is that Allah (swt) (God) is all knowing and will bring forth even “the mustard seed”, that is hidden “in a rock”. In other words, after teaching the children Tawheed (Oneness of Allah (swt) (God)), the parents have the responsibility to teach their children that God is near to them and watching over every action and word that a child may utter and therefore they must have the fear of Allah (swt) (God) (Taqwa). This brings awareness within the child that prevents him or her from evil deeds even in the privacy of his or her home. Taqwa also motivates the child towards good deeds even under the most difficult times. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="17" name="17"></a>The Ways of Righteous Actions (31:17) The story of Luqman says that, “parents need to show their children the path of righteous actions by establishing prayer and enjoining the doing of what is right and forbids the doing of what is wrong, and bear all hardship.” Parents instruct their children in spiritual practices (prayer) and show them how to become active members of society and struggling for justice in all its forms. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="18" name="18"></a>Teaching the Child Humility (31:18) Parents must teach the child to speak and act towards all of Allah (swt’s) (God’s) creation with humility, and to walk on the earth in a gentle manner, rather than with pride. The basics of morality can never live side by side with false pride. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="19" name="19"></a>Teaching the Child Modesty (31:19) Raising your children with wisdom requires that you teach them nice manners, which are defined most of all by modesty and gentle speech. It is important in Islamic spirituality, the tongue is known as the interpreter of the heart. If the heart is corrupt, then this corruption comes out in foul and harsh language. If the heart is pure then it comes out in kind, modest and soft speech as the tongue mirrors a pure soul. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="20" name="20"></a>Parental Responsibilities to their Children Apart from the responsibilities in terms of raising children wisdom, the Qur’an says that parents also bear the following responsibilities towards their children: <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="21" name="21"></a>Providing a good name Parents must choose good names for their children by recognising their dignity as human beings. These names often take the form of a nice meaning (such as Sabira, meaning the patient one) or the remembrance of an honourable man or woman. For example, naming children after prophets or companions of the prophets. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said that the most loved names by Allah (swt) (God) are Abdullah (servant of God) and Abdul-Rahman (servant of the most merciful). <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="22" name="22"></a>Providing Maintenance and Sustenance The parents must provide the utmost love, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, and all other qualities that nurture a spiritually and physically healthy child who can become an active and positive influence in his or her community. This responsibility entails clothing, feeding and housing your children to the best of your ability. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="23" name="23"></a>Providing Children with an Education Parents must provide their children with a good education, so that they may function to the best of their abilities in society. The Prophet Mohammad said that “the seeking of knowledge is incumbent upon all Muslim men and women”, so according to the Prophet’s teachings, it is wrong to discriminate against good education for women. This is why some of the greatest teachers of the Islamic tradition, including the Prophet’s wives were women. Education transcends formal schooling. It is the proper physical, psychological, worldly and spiritual nurturing obligated here. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="24" name="24"></a>Inheritance The Qur’an states detailed laws of inheritance, which promote equitable distribution of wealth among family members. These very complex inheritance laws account among the most detailed subjects in the books of Islamic Law. In the Qur’an (4:11-12) states the following: <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="25" name="25"></a>Children’s Inheritance The sons inherit the equivalent of two sisters’ shares. If the family have more than two daughters, then each daughter receives a two- thirds share. If the family has only one daughter, she receives one half of the inheritance. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="26" name="26"></a>Parents’ Inheritance If a man or woman dies leaving children behind then his or her parents receive one sixth of the inheritance, but if he or she dies without any children, with the parents the only heirs, then the mother receives a one third share. If the man has brothers and sisters, then the mother receives one sixth of the inheritance. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="27" name="27"></a>Spouses’ Inheritance If a woman leaves behind no children, her husband receives one half, but if she leaves behind children then her husband receives one quarter of her wealth. If a man dies without leaving behind any children then his wife receives one quarter of his wealth, but, if the man leaves behind children, then the wife receives one eighth of his inheritance. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="28" name="28"></a>Siblings’ Inheritance If a man or woman has no direct heir in the form of children, then both his brother and sister receives one sixth, but if more than one brother or sister exist, then each sibling inheritance is one third. In all cases, the inheritance is given out only after all contractual agreements and debts have been paid off on behalf of the deceased. However, Inheritance Laws and Islamic Laws are not as simply as they appear to be at first. It is far better to make reference to specialised books and/or seek special advice regarding the drafting and distribution of allocating shares. The Qur’an only provides an established framework. The application of these laws prove quite complex in reality. It will be noted that in most cases of inheritance, the woman receives about half of what the male receives. Most Islamic scholars point that this is not because the woman is worth half of a man, as is wrongly believed by some. Rather, the man within Islam’s family structure has much greater financial responsibility than the woman. Islamic Law obligates the man to financially provide for his wife, children, and other dependants, such as parents and siblings, who cannot sustain themselves. A woman, on the other hand, is not obligated to spend a single penny of her wealth on anyone, including her family, unless she does so from the kindness of her own heart. The laws of inheritance are not equal between genders, but they are equitable based on the financial responsibility that each bears within the family unit. As such, Muslim women therefore own whatever is theirs but in addition to getting married they also own a share in their husband’s wealth. <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a> <a id="29" name="29"></a>Divorce in the Qur’an Divorce is known as the “most hated, permissible act in the sight of Allah”, according to Prophet Mohammad. Divorce is highly discouraged, but permissible in order to deal with the realities of life. To make peace and reconciliation is by far the better part to take (4:19-21). However, the Qur’an strongly forbids men from holding their wives in marriage against their will. If a major dispute exists between a man and a woman, the Qur’an advises that an arbitrator from the woman side and an arbitrator from the man side should come together and try to resolve the marital dispute in fairness (4:35). Once a man declares divorce to his wife verbally, the couple separates for four months to think things over (2:26). If the couple still wants a divorce after this period, then the woman must undergo a waiting period of “three monthly menstruation cycles”, before remarrying (2:228). This waiting period avoids any confusion regarding paternity in the case of pregnancy. Also, during this period, the Qur’an gives the couple yet another chance to reconcile and put things right by recommitting themselves in marriage (2:228). After this period expires, then either the couple should get back together or peacefully separate on equitable and fair terms (2:229). Some Islamic scholars differ on whether a woman can instigate divorce (4:128). A majority of Islamic scholars believe that a woman can indeed instigate divorce proceedings with generally the same rights as a man. If the man instigates divorce, then he must fulfil his obligation to pay the bridal gift (Mahr) before he can divorce his wife, unless the woman forgoes this right. The Qur’an encourages “an amicable settlement between the husband and wife”, (4:128) in all such cases. Those who are concerned about the Qur’anic Laws regarding divorce and the care of children should read the following chapters and verses from the Qur’an: (2:224-233). The Qur’an makes it clear that of all the things Allah (swt) (God) has allowed, divorce (Talaq) is the most disliked (66:10). The Qur’an says: “Either keep your wife honestly, or put her away from you with kindness. Do not force a woman to stay with you who wishes to leave. The man who does that only injures himself” (2:231). <a class="float_right" href="content_detail.php?id=8#">↑ top</a>

Saturday 18 Jan 2025